Chef Caresse | Maintaining Mental Health and Prioritizing Self Care
Hey Hey Vibey Readers! We all know chefs aren’t just masters of the kitchen – they’re jugglers, creatives, and sometimes their own worst critics. Today, we're dishing it out a chef-to-chef, diving into the highs, the lows, and all the flavors in between. From battling impostor syndrome to balancing self-care with the daily grind, we're getting into the real talk. Grab your apron and your coffee, because this conversation is going to take a deep dive into the day -to-day routine of Chef Caresse Alexander, the overnight donut fairy at Beyond Amazing Donuts, while highlighting self-care awareness and the mental struggles that individuals face in the culinary industry, entrepreneurship, faith, and so on. Let’s get into it!
What is your current role in this industry?
I'm currently an overnight baker at a small batch brioche donut shop here in Charlotte, NC called Beyond Amazing Donuts. We are a scratch made, dye free (as much as possible) and low waste shop. My responsibilities include: Scaling and mixing dough for daily production and any outstanding customer orders. Scaling and mixing glazes, pastry creams, and any other fillings or toppings needed for our staple flavors or our rotating seasonal flavors. Quality control, and product rotation as needed.
I also assist with pop ups outside of the shop as needed.
Give me the recipe for Caresse and how long you’ve been stewing?
I'm from Florida, specifically Ft. Lauderdale and my family are from the West Indies by the way of a few islands: St. Croix, Grenada, Trinidad & Tobago, and St. Kitts. I've always had a weird time answering this timeline question because I've been working in the industry in some capacity since I was 17, but I didn't really step into a kitchen role consistently until 2020-2021. In so many ways. I feel that I should be further than I am, yet I know that I still have so much to learn.
“If I’m being honest and fully transparent, I haven’t really felt like a chef lately.”
How does a day outside of the kitchen look for you?
Lately, a typical day consists of sleeping.. a lot. Therapy, cleaning the house, doom scrolling on instagram. If I'm not doing that, I was going to aerial classes or working out, meal prepping, working on my business idea(s). There's really no in between or balance. Still looking for it honestly.
As a chef you’re cooking for others all day, what does your diet at home consist of… realistically?
My diet?! Oh Lawd!
Okay, when it's good, it is great. I'd take my elderberry syrup, seamoss, and ginseng followed by breakfast. Breakfast would be, either, something I already prepped like overnight oats, or something I don’t mind making on the fly, depending on my mood, followed by a protein shake. Lately, I'm lucky if I eat twice in a day. My appetite has been non existent for a few weeks...months.
Share the ways you unwind and relax after a busy day in the kitchen.
Like I'm sure you can tell by now, there's a good & a not so good answer to this. The good: Epsom salt baths, music, some form of skin care, avoiding my phone for at least an hour. The not so good: Lucky if I have the energy to make it into the house to get to bed. We are in flux right now.
Does cooking at home differ in any way from cooking at work?
Cooking at home versus cooking at work. When I was the sous chef at a ramen shop here in North Carolina, cooking at work was a learning experience and a chance to test my creativity and learn repetition for consistency in the product. At home, it's more so making things from my childhood that I miss, sometimes testing something or just making what is quickest. Sometimes that "quick" is an all day thing, other times it is just something I can do in my sleep.
Earlier you mentioned, your appetite has been non-existent for weeks, months. Care to share more?
If I'm being honest and fully transparent, I haven't really felt like a chef lately. I'm not sure if it's burnout alone or what.
So how do you prioritize self-care in such a demanding profession? If you don't, how would you like to?
I used to go to the gym and aerial classes fairly regularly. A full skincare routine at least once a week, outside of regular face washing etc. I’m currently attempting to get back into a gym routine of sorts & as much as I miss my aerial classes, that’s an extra expense that I simply cannot afford currently. Also working on listening to my body and resting when I need it.
What is your go-to for managing stress in the kitchen?
Remembering that being mad or upset about something isn’t going to change the fact that it happened and more often than not, unless it was some astronomically catastrophic mistake, nobody is thinking about it or going to remember it as much as I am. Unless the environment is toxic and promotes that sort of deprecating behavior.
Have you found any particular routines or habits that help maintain a work-life balance? If so, elaborate. If not, why?
I’m not quite sure to be honest. Some days I feel like I’m doing well and then others I feel like I’m not doing enough and that I need to work more than I already am… So I’d say that I haven’t just yet.
What role does nutrition play in your personal self-care routine, especially as a chef?
This is actually a funny question, in the sense that I have a degree in Culinary Nutrition… so I KNOW what to do,and the importance, but am I doing it? Not consistently at the moment. When I was, I felt great. It was to the point that I kept protein powder in my locker at work during the summer when I was working 12+ hour days and knew I didn’t have an appetite but needed nutrients. Not being consistent in my nutrition has definitely taken a toll on my physical and mental health, but it’s not easy to focus on that when you’re struggling to meet your most basic needs.
Can you share a particularly challenging moment in your career and how you overcame it?
At the beginning of 2022, the ramen shop I was working at was coming up on our one year of business. The official one year from grand opening was in October, but April made a year of being open to the public. Our previous sous chef had quit December of 2021, the owner/exec chef was hardly around and I was actively in school, using this job as my final internship before graduation, and being “trained” to be the sous. We were understaffed as most kitchens were at the time and the only other person who had any level of similar experience or training to myself in this kitchen had dropped their hours to virtually nothing, one service day and our only full prep day. I got accustomed to doing everything on my own very quickly. Making sure that I rarely needed to stop and go off of the line for anything. If we were full, I spoke to the servers about coursing items and making sure that all tables had something on them so nobody was waiting for appetizers while another table was getting their mains. It showed me the extent of my skills, who to and not to trust and when to ask for help. It also showed me when to leave a situation that was no longer helping but hurting me. I resigned August of 2023 after being told that I was taking things too close to the chest, and that this sort of lackadaisical behavior was just part of the game after I expressed multiple safety and attitude concerns. I chose myself, my sanity, and well-being.
How do you deal with the physical demands of long hours in the kitchen?
Lots of stretching and epsom salt baths. Making sure I have good shoes, which has been a struggle the last couple of years. When I was able to, regular massages and chiropractor visits.
Have you ever faced burnout? If so, how did you recognize it and what steps did you take to recover?
I am actively in the throes of it and I don’t see a way out at the moment. I truly don’t think I ever recognized it… I just felt like I was hit by a freight train one day, my migraines were more consistent and longer lasting and sometimes would have no triggers. Looking back, those were definitely signs that I ignored for the sake of “pushing through it”. I’m working on being okay with resting more and prioritizing that when and where I can, which is very uncomfortable. I feel lazy and guilty, yet I tell everyone that rest is natural and normal and doesn’t need to be earned.
What are some misconceptions people have about the life of a chef, and how have you navigated those?
The biggest misconception I’ve seen is that if you love to cook, then being a chef is for you. Babes… it takes more than a love of food and cooking to be a chef. Are you capable of managing yourself and others? How are you when things don’t go right and you still need to produce a product anyways? How are you at math? Is this dish not only beautiful and delicious, but can it be taught to be executed by someone other than yourself with minimal difference in appearance and taste? I’m honest with people about this life. If you truly want to be a chef, go work in a restaurant before investing in culinary school. Culinary school is like the training wheels on a bike. The industry is the bike, no training wheels, a few different gears and sometimes a little wobbly. Culinary school gives you an idea, the industry molds you and tests you in ways I didn’t even know was possible. You give up a lot in this life and a lot of people aren’t prepared for that. I would say that my navigation has been knowing that this wasn’t going to be an easy journey from the beginning, but also knowing when enough is enough and when I need to pivot. We are currently in the midst of a pivot and it has been… a lot.
Have you ever struggled with impostor syndrome, and how has it affected your career?
Constantly. It has made me question every little thing that I do and my capabilities in so many ways. Even though I have shown myself and others time and time again that I’m capable, I feel so…false in it? It has made me stay in places that no longer served me or my growth longer than I should have. It has made me afraid to take certain risks for fear of failure.
What strategies do you use to overcome feelings of self-doubt?
Reminders that I’ve done this before and it is okay to feel uncertain, but not to sit in said uncertainty long enough to cause inaction… Also, going back to some of God’s promises for my life. I need to do that more. He gave me this vision for a reason. Self doubt vs faith is a daily struggle.
Do you have any advice for other chefs or aspiring cooks who might be dealing with impostor syndrome?
Talk to your friends. Tell the people around you that you’re dealing with it. You’d be surprised how many people are also struggling with it. Write out your accomplishments. It is a lot harder to deny what you can see, so when you SEE what you’ve done and are capable of, it serves as a reminder that you can do it.
What drives you to keep going on tough days when everything feels overwhelming?
I want this. With everything in me, I want this. Through it all, this brings me joy. Even on the days where all I do is question it.. I don’t see myself doing anything else. When I talk about food, or explain ideas that I have surrounding dishes, particularly sweets I’m noticing, my eyes just come to life and I’m excited all over again. I see myself in the world of food. Maybe not in a restaurant forever, but definitely bringing joy to people with this. May it be through feeding them, teaching them, curating experiences…who knows
How do you stay motivated to continually innovate and improve your skills?
I don’t… Some days I just want it all to be over and question everything. Then other days, a glimmer of that spark comes back and I’m writing ideas down and flavor combinations that I haven’t seen or thought of.. That’s actually how a Pumpkin Spice Tres Leches Cheesecake came to be a few years ago. I’ve seen these items separately or together with the cake as the base for the cheesecake but never the flavors and feels of both in the form of just the cheesecake. It excites me and I miss that feeling daily.
Do you have any personal affirmations that keep you focused and motivated?
I am beautifully and wonderfully made.
“Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans that I have for you; says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, to give you a hope and a future. “
If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self, what would it be?
Trust people to show you who they are and act accordingly.
How do you see (or would like to see) the future of the culinary industry, especially regarding wellness and self-care for chefs?
Ooohhh, I’d like to see more care and concern for mental and emotional wellbeing. It has definitely come a long way. The days of telling me that you’re proud because I’m busting my ass 50-60 hours a week and still struggling to survive doesn’t sit well. Nor does telling me that I’m young and I shouldn’t be tired because I don’t have children, or that it was harder in your days. Existing shouldn’t be hard and we shouldn’t be neglecting our bodies, minds, and spirits for a career. The ideology that I have to endure and show just how much I can handle alone in order to be a chef is dead. This industry is one that should be thriving on community, which I’m slowly seeing and finding more of. Grateful for the places and spaces that see me.
As we wrap up this chef-to-chef chat, let’s leave with a reminder we all need: Keep moving forward, no matter how heavy the weight of doubt or how loud that inner critic can be. Self-care and mental health awareness aren’t just buzzwords—they’re the foundation for thriving both in and out of the kitchen. Imposter syndrome may try to steal the show, but it’s our belief in ourselves that keeps us in the spotlight. Remember, it’s just as important to refuel your soul as it is to feed others. As the saying goes, 'You can't pour from an empty cup, so take time to fill yours with grace, patience, and a dash of self-love.' Keep the faith, stay true to your craft, and never forget that you're more than enough.
Keep up with Caresse Alexander by following her progressive chef career and her journey to rediscovering and redefining her spark via instagram @chef_caresse
